27 outubro, 2011

Music in Life_

  The closest thing of a religion I've ever had  in my life is music.
  There's something sacred for me about music, and doing music.
  That's probably one of the big reasons of the discussions and problems I have in my professional/student life.   Because somehow I expect from other people a different kind of respect about that were doing. Or unleast that they respect me, and my space, and right of doing that (on my respectful way) because that is kind of sacred for me.
  I don't know, for me if there's something, someone divine taking care of us in any way - doesn't matter if is this big, unexplainenable energy, a God or anything - and I really believe there is, this divine thing likes to show up on Art. And the moment I can feel it the most is when there's music around. When I'm listening, playing or whathever. That's the moment I can touch my own piece of spirit.
  Of course that's only how things are for me.
  I think we feel this good - whatever you like to call it, and howhever, spiritually or not, you prefer to classify it - when we're doing what we really love. That thing tha really makes sense on your life.
  Artists have luck. Usually this thing is their job. It's a kind of curse, but a good one.

  I've never solved my problems with drawing, you know. Drawing was the first thing I've really love in my life. Was my first way of express myself and to feel the world. And was the first (serious) thing I gave up of doing. And I still didn't find how to bring that back to my life completely.
  Drawing, painting, these are my spiritual things.
  My spiritual acts.
  So, it's pretty complicate to never solve my problems with that. That confuses my spirit.

  I have big problems with music too, of course.
  You know, faith problems.
  About the meaning of doing that, the real fuction of our jobs and the concrete reflexes and effects of our music on the world (and its real serious problems), or why we have to pass for the kind of crap we do to do a thing supposedly beautiful and artistic...
  Sometimes it's pretty hard. Sometimes it doesn't makes any sense. And I'm living a phase of this in the last months I guess, that was pretty intesified for some recent facts.
  So, I had to remember the reasons of my believing and faith on that in the last days, becase my unbelieving was growing up so big that it was starting to leave me no exits of my own disturbed mind.

  I believe in music because of all the times it saved my life
(for this you can read my peace of mind, my sanity, my will of living for some days more)
giving me something to do and think about.
  I believe in music because of all the times I've cried on a stage or in a theatre watching some concert.

  I believe in music because I remember when I used to go to concerts with my parents, usually to watch my sister playing, and spent all concert looking around, observing people, curtains, lights ans colours, imagining scripts of comic books I've never really written but that is still somewhere in my mind.

  I believe in music because since I was very young I imagine stories and things that would happen in my own life in near future about something, and all that always become very big and distant in time - and the moment I can do better this kind of travelling is watching a concert. And that's good, because sometimes to solve situations on my mind, just imagining possibilities is enough for some problems. Unleast for a while.

  I believe in music because of the voice of my mum, and how I've figured out someday when I was a kid, that when she sings everything's ok. ( even it's not for real.)

  I believe in music because of musicians that look to each other, and talk just with that, and because of the ones who totally give themselves to the music that moment and the ones who clearly have fun on stage.

  I believe in music because there's a lot of times that rehearsals were the  best part of my day, even if was just because in that moment I could see my friends and stop thinking about something.

  I believe in music because of the special people I'v met doing that, more than once in my life.

  I believe in music because of my dad playing guitar when he gets from work, and before get back to it.

  I believe in music because of the smiles I can't avoid when I'm playing even I'm really piss off or sad about something.
  I believe in music because of the concerts and because of the beer after.

  I believe in music because I've already had classes that changed my life and met teachers that touched my soul.

  I believe in music because it gave me freedom and hope, and responsability and compromise at the same time. And because it had make feel excited as no one could for a period in my life.

  I believe in music because it make you talk with and understand people from the other side of the world, no matter wich language you both speak.

   I believe in music because I believe in revolution. Social, spiritual, human revolution and that music can be a way to do it.

  I believe in music because of Venezuela, Russia, because of German and France, because of United States and Chile, because of Italy, Austria, Sweden and China.
  I believe in music because of Brazil.
  I believe in music because I don't think music necessarily makes somebody better, but it can change your life if you want it. And believe in that. Not as a magic potion or anything like that, but with people and for people who really work to that.

  And because, even you don't have any hope of that can change anything, it's already a hope to continue to do it.

17 outubro, 2011

I don't know...
simple as that...I'm in the second half of a bottle of wine and I'm thinking about you.
I was thinking about you before the wine
before the day,
before playing
and even before I've waken up.
You're already there
in my thoughts
in my dreams
you're always here (with me)
I don't know where you are.
Today I've gotten almost mad with you.
It took 5 seconds
and I back to became sad again
I can't forgget for more than 5 sec this missing in my chest
I can't pretend I'm mad with you for more than 3 seconds
more than that and my heart gets hurt
I miss you
and thats  killing myself
I miss you
and there's nothing I can do
You're not here
You're everywhere

13 outubro, 2011

I don't know when you'll gonna read this but...

This is about love and caress
This about me and you
This is about you disapearing
and is about my life getting every day more confuse
This is about your blank thoughts
and my disastrous spirit
This is about me and you

This is about a festival that even if had been
a totally fiasco
had been perfect
because I've met you
and you've met me.
This is about totally random conversations
about sitting on the the floor and never, never
can get to the shower
This is about me and you.

This is about me sniffing and smelling your sweaty t-shirt
until sleep
This about waking up from hour to hour
to see if you've appeared
This is about you and me

This is not about families,
about future or anything complicate in life
This is about the depth of your eyes.
This is not even about you running away
leaving my heart behind
This is about how I'm unlearning to smile.

This is about how young people
have old souls sometimes
and how older (young) people sometimes need to be save
This is about you and me.
This is not about any right of my to know about you
is about how without knowing
I don't know if  I'm alive.

This is about letters and no-forgetting
This is about understanding at first talk
This is not about bad trips,
and stupid alcoholic acts
This is about a glass of water
and days after
This is about you and I
trying to see the sky.

This is about your stories having their scenarios materialized
about a holiday's morning with no you anywhere
and me losing my mind for a sign.
This is about how I've figured out
that you're just a boy few times
and the most incredible and brave young man I've ever met.
This is about a girl who carries her own bass,
sometimes cries as a child
and is being care by a teenage guy.
This is about you and I.

This is about this huge hole in my chest
is about missing you every second
is about the most beautiful words somebody ever told me
This is about never forgetting
about seeing Rigoletto, new songs on the guitar
about lunatic plans for New Year's eve.
This is about you and me.

This is about finding a person
we thought was real only in dreams
about not feeling so alone
This is about crying in front of the computer screen
about to be lost and about finding yourself
This is about the empty sit by my side,
is about hold imaginary hands
and schizophrenic conversations walking home.
This is about complicate people
about uncertain futures and lots of questions
is about long sincere confessional
messages late at night
and about lose my breath with your voice on the phone.

This is about days getting brighter
about have luck and fear to lose it.
It's about feel my chest devastated
and the nights starting to never end.
This is about feel regret about things I didn't pay atention 
This is about your missing
and the days passing by
about desperate trips
and about never wake up of a terrible nightmare.

This is about hope and waiting
and days with no ends or begins
It's about hold your little box
hopping that can bring you back
This is about all the sad songs that predicted
what was about to happen.

This is about how unpredictable life is
and how happy you make with one smile
It's about how I would trade don't know how many
years of my life
just to see you smiling again.
This is about how we change every 5 min
is about writers, poems
and about start to make your own songs.
This is about inspiration,
about new breathing
This is about believe, learn, and relearn.
This is about you and me.

This is about look at you sleeping
and feel that I'm in the exactly place I would like to be
This is about be accepted, be loved
and feel safe
This is about no need of faking anything
This is about you and me.
This is about growing up
and how we all have to learn that everyday
This is about developing new dreams
and never give up of the old ones.
This is about forgetting and rediscover dreams.
This is about feeling, this about faith 
This is about me and you.

This is about corners, changes on the way,
about different worlds and different perceptions
This is about how we can had wrong a lot
and even then be perfect to each other
This is about you and me.

This is about how we can't see ourselves sometimes
and how the time must pass
This is about accepting, about caring
about try to bring you back
This is about hanging up
and it's about try again
This is about stars shinning brighter
and about talk to you in my dreams
this is all about hope.

This is about you [not here]
And me [waiting for you]

This is about Stephan.
This is about Camila.
And just us can understand.